the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
