he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
