she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
