Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
