How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
