why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize