Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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