I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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