wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
