Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
