Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
