I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
