it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
