Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
