i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize