Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
