amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
