I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
