Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
