Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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