I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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