You made me cry and you don't even care
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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