when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
