In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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