she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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