i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my poor anus
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
