but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
false alarm, still single
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
