Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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