she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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