we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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