Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
