Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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