i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
