a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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