Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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