I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
