covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
