My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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