Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
