I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
