y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
