So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
