why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
