i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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