Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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