I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
