someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
