In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
