Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
