Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
