I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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