I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
