Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
