people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
