does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
