meet me or not, i'm out of control
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
