Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
