If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
