i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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