So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
