you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize