hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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