STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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