My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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