I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
