4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize