This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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