Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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