if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize