just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
