You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
