it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
