I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize